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What
ails ye now, ye lousie bitch
To thresh my back at sic a pitch?
Losh, man, hae mercy wi your natch!
Your bodkin's bauld:
I didna suffer half sae much
Frae Daddie Auld.
What
tho at times, when I grow crouse,
I gie their wames a random pouse,
Is that enough for you to souse
Your servant sae?
Gae mind your seam, ye prick?the?louse,
An jag?the?flae!
King
David o poetic brief
Wrocht 'mang the lasses sic mischief
As fill'd his after?life wi grief,
An bluidy rants;
An yet he's rank'd amang the chief
O lang?syne saunts.
And
maybe, Tam, for a' my cants,
My wicked rhymes, an drucken rants,
I'll gie auld Cloven Clootie's haunts
An unco slip yet,
An snugly sit amang the saunts,
At Davie's hip yet!
But,
fegs! the Session says I maun
Gae fa' upo' anither plan
Than garrin lasses coup the cran,
Clean heels owre body,
An sairly thole their mother's ban
Afore the howdy.
This
leads me on to tell for sport
How I did wi the Session sort:
Auld Clinkum at the inner port,
Cried three times, 'Robin!
Come hither lad, and answer for't,
Ye're blam'd for jobbin!'
Wi
pinch I put a Sunday's face on,
An snoov'd awa before the Session
I made an open, fair confession ?
I scorned to lie ?
An syne Mess John, beyond expression,
Fell foul o me.
A
fornicator-loun he call'd me,
An said my faut frae bliss expell'd me.
I own'd the tale was true he tell'd me,
'But, what the matter?'
(Quo' I) 'I fear unless ye geld me,
I'll ne'er be better!'
'Geld
you!' (quo' he) 'an what for no?
If that your right hand, leg, or toe
Should ever prove your sp'ritual foe,
You should remember
To cut it aff ? an what for no
Your dearest member!'
'Na, na,'
(quo' I) 'I'm no for that,
Gelding's nae better than 'tis ca't;
I'd rather suffer for my faut,
A hearty flewit,
As sair owre hip as ye can draw't,
Tho I should rue it.'
'Or,
gin ye like to end the bother,
To please us a' ? I've just ae ither:
When next wi yon lass I forgather,
Whate'er betide it,
I'll frankly gie her 't a' thegither,
An let her guide it.'
But,
Sir, this pleas'd them warst of a',
An therefore, Tam, when that I saw,
I said 'Guid night', an came awa,
An left the Session:
I saw they were resolved a'
On my oppression.
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